Welcome to One Thing Better. Each week, the editor in chief of Entrepreneur magazine (that's me) shares one way to achieve a breakthrough at work — and build a career or company you love.
Please forward this newsletter to someone you appreciate! And if you received the forward, please subscribe here.
My wife met a man in prison. He told her the craziest story.
The man's name is Trung. He said he'd killed someone, but his twin brother took the fall — and spent nearly two years behind bars for a crime he didn't commit.
Both twins stayed silent, until something finally prompted Trung to confess.
My wife, Jen, is a journalist. She lives for stories like this. And she had a million questions: Why did this happen? Why did they stay silent? What changed?
It would take six years to get answers.
Today, I want to tell you how she got the brothers to open up — because this approach goes way beyond journalism.
This is how the best projects are made, how the best partnerships are formed, and how the best relationships are created. This is how you'll create your next great business opportunity, find your next job, or win over your skeptics.
In short: This is the formula for breaking through.
When there's too much noise...
Let's hit pause on my wife's story for a moment. I want to first tell you about my friend, who recently shared some incredible news: He'd started a company with an A-list celebrity.
The news was especially stunning because my friend is not a celebrity person. He's a smart, normal, hard-working guy whose successes have been under the radar. Now he's partnered with one of the biggest names in the world.
"How'd you pull this off?" I asked him.
"Really slowly," he replied. "And I never asked for anything."
Here's what happened: He met the celebrity at an event. They talked about some stuff the celebrity was working on.
A while later, when my friend saw some industry news that he believed the celebrity would find useful, he emailed the celebrity's agent. The message was simple: Hey, it was so nice meeting recently. Here's something the celebrity might find helpful — and here's some insight I have on it.
The celebrity got in touch directly to say thanks. A few months later, my friend shared another piece of useful news, and then another. It started a dialog, where my friend became an occasional advice guy for the celebrity. He never asked for anything. Never pushed. Never suggested.
Then, one day, the celebrity asked for a favor. Could my friend help with a small task? Absolutely, my friend said. Soon they were talking about bigger ideas. Eventually, they formed a partnership.
"This guy gets asked for things every day," my friend told me. "So the first thing I needed to prove was — I'm not like that. That way, when he needed a trusted partner, he knew I wasn't just out to take advantage of him."
What not to ask for
As the editor in chief of Entrepreneur magazine, I also get asked for things all the time. So I can confirm:
When someone wants things from me, I become guarded. And frankly, I'm unlikely to give them what they want.
When someone doesn't want something from me, I open up. That's when real trust and relationships develop. It's when I become the most giving.
Sometimes people try to trick me into this. For example, I get a lot of DMs from people who ask thoughtful questions about my work. When I reply, they immediately follow up with a story pitch, hoping that I'll write about them. I find this very annoying.
Look, let's be clear — does that mean I'm only looking for genuine relationships? No. I wouldn't have time for that! I can be transactional too, and I'm happy to say yes to the right deal or idea.
But different paths create different mindsets:
When someone clearly wants something from me, I evaluate it with cold logic: Is this the right value proposition? If the answer is no, I'm out.
When someone develops a relationship with me, I feel invested in their success — and I want to find ways to succeed together.
That's what happened with my friend and the celebrity too.
Now here's the important thing to remember: This does not just apply to A-list celebrities and magazine editors. This applies to literally everyone.
Someone you want to partner with? Learn from? Ask favors of? Date? You don't get these things by pushing and triggering someone's defenses. You get them by being warm, generous, and above all, curious.
Why? Because here is the #1 thing that people want:They want to feel heard.
Which brings us back to my wife, Jen.
The long, slow build of trust
Jen met Trung six years ago. He was about to be released from prison.
Jen was captivated by his story — a Shakespearian tale of gang warfare, mistaken identity, and a family torn apart. She wanted to know more, but she also knew: Trung was in a fragile moment. He'd be guarded, and understandably so.
So she proposed something to him. She said: Look, your story is fascinating. I'd like to learn more about you. You don't have to commit to anything, and I would never do anything without your permission. Right now, I just want to talk and understand.
Trung appreciated that. Nobody had taken an interest in him like this. So they started talking.
Trung introduced Jen to his twin brother, Anh. More conversations followed. Jen came to understand the nuances of their lives. She listened closely. She asked great questions. She respected their boundaries and concerns.
In turn, they appreciated her. They liked talking to her. And eventually, they said they'd like her to tell their story. They wanted other people to understand them the way she did.
Now the story is out — in this incredible six-episode podcast that Jen hosts:
You can subscribe on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you get podcasts. The first two episodes are available now, and the rest will be released weekly.
Your greatest asset is time
What I'm saying might sound manipulative. But I don't believe that it is.
We can want things and also be genuinely interested in the people who provide them. These are not incongruent. And frankly, isn't it better to lead with connection and understanding? It creates more opportunity for us all to explore.
The greatest opportunities can't be rushed. The twin brothers in Blood Will Tell didn't open up because Jen asked nicely; they opened up because she proved, over years, that she was worthy of their trust.
That's the part most people rush. They want the outcome without earning it. They want the trust without the relationship.
But the best work requires becoming the person that others want to say yes to.
That takes time.
And that's how to do one thing better.
Need my help? Let's talk 1:1
People often ask me for advice, but assume there's no way I'll hop on a call.
P.S. How do you fight product knockoffs? I talked to Melissa, of the toy company Melissa & Doug, about her strategy. Listen! Also, here's a hilarious story she told me.
P.P.S. Strong book recommendation: I'm absolutely in love with Pillars of the Earth, an epic set in the 12th century. The internal politics of monks has never been more riveting!
P.P.S. Send this newsletter to someone who needs it! Forward to them, or just send this link to today's edition.
No comments:
Post a Comment