People are spending an enormous amount of money and time trying to convince you to vote for their candidate. I come with a different message. Maybe this voting thing isn’t for you. If you don’t have a very clear opinion about this presidential election, politics clearly isn’t your thing. I’m sure you know tons about other stuff. Maybe the UFC. Maybe how to apply foundation. Perhaps, but probably not, American history. But you don’t know enough about politics to help us make a decision. If you didn’t have an opinion about whether Patrick Mahomes or Gardner Minshew III is a better quarterback, I’d advise you to steer clear of DraftKings. Same here. When people say that voting is a civic duty, they don’t mean for you. By “voting” they mean more than filling out bubbles. They mean learning about how the country is run, our past challenges - general civics stuff. You know how you have a feeling about whether you want higher tariffs but don’t actually know how a tariff works? Filling out a ballot isn’t going to be fulfilling your patriotic duty any more than you showing up on a nuclear submarine without military training. Merely voting doesn’t help other people. If it did, you’d get an orange drink and cookies along with that “I voted” sticker. So I give you official permission to stop worrying about who to vote for and instead devote Tuesday to watching old UFC clips or shooting makeup tip videos. Do I have the ability to grant you that permission? Yes, as a columnist I have that right. It’s in the Constitution. Are you starting to see why you shouldn’t vote? Thank you for paying to read my column. Wait: This is for the people who didn’t pay? Then I owe you nothing. You are the ones contributing to the end of my career. If you want to pay an exorbitant amount of money to get one extra post a month – which often won’t even be that good – upgrade to a paid subscription here:
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Friday, November 1, 2024
Dear Undecided Voter,
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