The Greatest Lesson I've Ever Learned About Kindness
Welcome to One Thing Better. Each week, the editor in chief of Entrepreneur magazine (that's me) shares one way to achieve a breakthrough at work — and build a career or company you love.
Please forward this newsletter to someone you appreciate! And if you received the forward, please subscribe here.
Here is a moment I deeply regret:
I spoke at a conference a few years ago. Afterward, a man said hello. He was carrying a copy of my book, which he'd just bought, and he handed me a copy of his — a self-published thriller.
"I'll read your book if you read mine," he said, pleasantly.
"If I have the time," I replied.
I regretted it immediately. My words were pompous and cruel. It still pains me to think that, somewhere, that guy thinks I'm an ass. With good reason.
I've spent a lot of time wondering: Why did I say that? And it's not just me, of course. We all surprise ourselves with selfishness or the wrong words.
Today, I'll share a mental trick that I now use to steady myself, and ensure that I'm always the person I want to be — no matter the interaction. It's a critical tool for anyone who wants to be viewed and reliable and always gracious.
And it all starts with lessons learned from two of the my favorite entertainers.
The trickle-down effect of kindness
We'll get back to the question of graciousness. But first, I need to tell you about Kevin Smith — the filmmaker who created Clerks, Mallrats, Chasing Amy, and more.
When Kevin was 5 years old, he and his dad were walking along a pier and passed Peter Marshall, then the very famous host of Hollywood Squares.
Kevin's dad called out, "Hey Peter!" Marshall smiled and said hello. To Kevin, that was magic. Peter could have ignored them, but he didn't. Then Kevin thought to himself: If I'm ever famous like Peter, I'll be just as gracious.
Then Kevin grew up to become famous, and kept to his word.
I heard Kevin tell that story on a podcast recently — and it jolted a memory for me. Because I had a moment exactly like it, and it taught me the same lesson.
Except my moment wasn't with Peter Marshall. It was with Kevin Smith.
My life as a fanboy
When I was in college, I was obsessed with Kevin Smith. And I was desperate to meet him. So I went big: I took over the student speaker's bureau, and spent the entire year's budget bringing Kevin to campus.
The day arrived. I was so nervous. Kevin showed up, was super nice, and took photos with students. Including me:
Then he stood on stage answering questions for five hours.
Afterward, he and I walked back to his car together — just me, and this guy I'd idolized. As he left, I remember thinking: If anyone ever cares about what I have to say, I will be as gracious as Kevin Smith. Just as he did about Peter Marshall.
Then I developed the career I have, and have been able to (mostly) live up to that promise.
Except for the times I slipped up. Which I wanted to fix.
The Rock's revelation
Years later, I interviewed Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson and his business partner Dany Garcia. We talked about connecting with audiences, and I told them the story I just told you — about the man handing me his book, and the mean thing I said in response.
They had a story just like it.
It was 1998, and Dwayne was struggling to transition from wrestler to actor. He and Dany were at dinner talking about this, and some fans approached.
"Excuse me, but can we have your autograph?" they asked nervously.
Dwayne wasn't in the mood. "Sure," he said, coldly and with a huff. The fans grew regretful and started apologizing. He signed the thing. They shuffled away.
Then he and Dany recognized the horror of the moment, and did something brilliant: They imagined that situation, moment by moment, from the fans' point of view.
They imagined those people having a date night away from their kids. A special dinner. Then they look up and see the Rock. Extra special! They debate approaching him, decide this is a once-in-a-lifetime chance, and nervously do it... only to be disappointed.
"I had an opportunity to make them feel so good," Dwayne told me, "and instead they walked away apologetic and feeling awful, when the reality is, I'm a lucky son of a bitch that somebody would care enough to come up and ask for my autograph."
This moment changed him, he said. Forever more, whenever Dwayne interacts with anyone, he now imagines the moment from their perspective.
And this is the solution to our problem.
Why we're not gracious
Why do we say the wrong thing? It's because when we're focused on ourselves, it's hard to focus on others.
But the outside world demands consistency. We can't be gracious one day, selfish the next. That's bad for relationships, and bad for business.
So we need a way to steady ourselves — to be reliably gracious and kind, and always the best version of ourselves.
Dwayne found the answer: View our interactions from someone else's point of view.
What do they need from us? What would make their day? What small gesture can be meaningful, and perhaps even create a lifelong memory?
When that man handed me his book, and all I thought was: I'm busy and stressed, and I'll never have time to read this. But he didn't need to know that. He was just asking for kindness and validation, and I should have been able to deliver it.
I aspire to never make that mistake again.
The simple solution
Recently, I got to tell all this to a very important person: Kevin Smith.
I invited him onto my podcast, then told him how he impacted me, and the lesson of graciousness I learned from it.
And to my surprise, he told me a version of what The Rock did.
When Kevin first became famous, he said, it was like "being on the other side of the transaction." He used to be the fan, eager for a moment with the celebrity. Now he was the celebrity, receiving the eagerness of the fan — and that felt like an important responsibility.
"You want to provide the dream for people," he said. And he realized that, with just a few simple words, he could.
I believe we all have this power. You don't need to be famous like Kevin or Dwayne. After all, many people look to you for something — whether it's a customer, a colleague, a friend, or anyone who needs a moment of your time.
Want to deliver what they need, and then some? Want to be remembered forever, like Kevin remembered Peter? Like I'll always remember Kevin?
It is very simple: Get out of your head, and get into someone else's.
That's how to do one thing better.
Need my help? Let's talk 1:1
People often ask me for advice, but assume there's no way I'll hop on a call.
P.S. Do you love podcasts, but can't find great new ones? My friend Lauren writes an incredible newsletter with the best show recommendations you'd otherwise miss! Check it out!
P.P.S. Omg another speaker is teaching my book! A friend was watching a keynote recently, when the speaker suddenly started talking about... me. What a moment.
P.P.P.S. Send this newsletter to someone who needs it! Forward to them, or just send this link to today's edition.
No comments:
Post a Comment