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The Nice Leader's Dilemma |
We've all seen it happen. |
The loudest person in the room gets the budget. The most aggressive leader gets the headcount. The one who pounds the table gets the resources.
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Meanwhile, you—the thoughtful, collaborative, results-driven leader—get told "we'll revisit this next quarter." |
It's maddening. And it's costing your team. |
The problem isn't that you're too nice. |
The problem is that you haven't learned how to be authentically commanding. |
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Why "Nice" Leaders Get Overlooked |
The False Choice Most leadership advice presents a false choice: Be aggressive or be ignored. The squeaky wheel gets the grease. Closed mouths don't get fed. |
This creates a terrible bind for leaders who: |
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The Real Problem You're not getting resources because you're making it optional. You're not doing the work to build a story that sells itself. You present your case as a loose request instead of a tight requirement and are surprised when you get "no" as an answer. |
 | dilbert.com |
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The Hidden Cost Every time you accept inadequate resources, you're not just hurting your team's performance. You're training your organization that your priorities are meant to be negotiated. |
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The 4 C's Framework: Authentic Influence |
After studying leaders who consistently get what they need, I've identified four traits they all share: |
1. Clear |
Exceptional clarity cuts through organizational noise. |
What this looks like: |
You can explain your request in one sentence You have 3-5 undebatable stats ready You connect every ask to business outcomes You've rehearsed your key points until they're automatic
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Your move: Create your "data deck." 3-5 compelling statistics about your team's impact that no one can argue with. Memorize them. |
2. Calm |
In a world of chaos and urgency, calmness is welcomed. |
What this looks like: |
You pause before responding to pushback You stay focused on outcomes, not emotions You don't raise your voice to make your point You enter negotiations to solve problems, not win battles
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Your move: Practice the phrase "Help me understand..." when you encounter resistance. It keeps you curious instead of defensive. |
3. Commercial |
You speak the language of business impact. |
What this looks like: |
Every request ties to revenue, cost savings, or risk mitigation You quantify the opportunity cost of saying no You position your team's success as the organization's success You always make it about the business, never about you
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Your move: Before any resource conversation, complete this sentence: "If we don't make this investment, the business will lose..." |
4. Commanding |
You enforce the discipline of the conversation. |
What this looks like: |
You don't let conversations drift to irrelevant topics You bring discussions back to the core issue You leave with commitments, not vague promises You follow up on what was agreed
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Your move: Master the phrase "Before we move on, let's make sure we're aligned on..." This keeps conversations focused without seeming controlling. |
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Building Your Undebatable Case |
The Data Deck Strategy Most leaders make emotional arguments dressed up as logical ones. Instead, build a collection of facts that are impossible to dispute. |
Your 5-Stat Foundation: |
Efficiency metric: How your team delivers more with less Growth metric: How your results are trending upward Comparison metric: How you stack up against industry benchmarks Risk metric: What the organization loses without proper support Opportunity metric: What becomes possible with the right resources
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Example in Action: "Our team generates $1.6B in revenue with less than 10% OpEx—the lowest in the company. We're tracking 15% growth year-over-year while industry average is 8%. Without the additional headcount, we're leaving $200M on the table while our competitors gain market share." |
The Testimonial Multiplier External validation carries more weight than internal advocacy. Collect specific quotes from: |
Customers praising your team's work Industry experts recognizing your results Partners highlighting your collaboration
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Use these strategically: "Here's what our largest client said about the impact..." |
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Conversational Discipline: Staying on Target |
Their Deflection |
When you ask for resources, people will try to change the subject. They'll bring up budget constraints, other priorities, or past decisions. |
This isn't malicious. It's human nature to avoid difficult decisions by discussing easier topics. |
Your Response |
When they deflect to budget: "I understand budget is tight. That's exactly why we need to focus on the highest-ROI investments. Help me understand how this doesn't qualify." When they deflect to other priorities: "I agree those are important. Before we compare priorities, can we align on whether this specific need is valid?" When they deflect to process: "I want to follow the right process. What specific steps do I need to take to get this approved?"
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Ensure Completion |
Don't let conversations end without clarity. Use these phrases: |
"Just to make sure we're aligned..." "What I'm hearing is..." "What are the next steps?" "When can I expect to hear back?"
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Scripts for Common Scenarios |
Asking for Headcount "Our team is operating at 120% capacity, which creates two risks: burnout among top performers and missed opportunities in the market. Based on our current pipeline, adding two people would generate an additional $5M in revenue while reducing overtime costs by 30%. What would need to be true for us to move forward?" |
Requesting Budget "This investment pays for itself in 6 months through efficiency gains alone. The real opportunity is the competitive advantage it creates. Our biggest competitor just announced a similar initiative. We can lead or follow—what's our preference?" |
Pushing Back on Unrealistic Timelines "I want to make sure we set the team up for success. Based on our current capacity, we can deliver X by the original deadline or Y by moving the deadline two weeks. Which outcome is more important?" |
Escalating Blocked Resources "I've been working with [Name] for three weeks on this request. We're aligned on the need but stuck on the process. Can you help me understand the best path forward?". |
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Your Next Move |
Pick one upcoming resource conversation. Apply the 4 C's framework: |
Clear: Write your one-sentence ask Calm: Practice your delivery until it feels natural Commercial: Connect your request to business impact Commanding: Prepare phrases to keep the conversation focused
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Remember: You're not asking for a favor. You're proposing a business solution. |
The question isn't whether you deserve the resources. |
The question is whether the organization can afford not to give them to you. |
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What You Missed This Week |
Welcome back. If you're dragging your feet a little, here are our Monday AM posts: |
📌 You Leadership Playbook for Winning Week 1 (Dave on LI)
📌 What's Your Leadership Archetype? (Mar on LI)
📌 How to Reset Your Team for 2026 (Dave on X) |
And here are our most popular posts last week: |
🔥 How to Build a Culture of Mutual Accountability (Dave on LI)
🔥 The 90-Day New Manager Playbook (Dave on X)
🔥 Rare Traits of High Performers (Mar on LI)
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Our goal is to build a community of 1 million thoughtful, curious leaders. |
You can help us by reposting anything that resonates with you. |
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Thank you for reading. Appreciate you! |
Dave |
| | | | Ways To Work With Us | MGMT Fundamentals - Eight one hour sessions over two weeks starting September 9 at 12:00 PM ET. Perfect for managers with 0-3 years of experience who want to quickly build the skills and systems to lead their team effectively from Day 1. | MGMT Accelerator - Eight 90-minute sessions over four weeks plus 3 group coaching session starting October at 7 11:00 AM ET. Perfect for experienced leaders with 3-10 years of experience who want to refine their systems to deliver more impact and level up as a leader. | 1:1 Executive Coaching - My sweet spot is solving real problems while helping leaders build their management OS. Email me to setup an intro call. | Customized Leadership Programs - Bring our MGMT Accelerator or MGMT Fundamentals in-house for a tailored, intensive workshop. Ideal for 15+ leaders. | Speaking - We're now booking keynotes for Fall of 2025. Hit reply on this note, and we can set up a time to discuss topics and pricing. | MGMT Playbook - If you're here because someone forwarded this email, please subscribe before you leave. | |
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