LAST WEEK'S BREAKTHROUGHS In last week's newsletter, I asked you to do one thing this week that might make you look stupid. Because embarrassment doesn't kill, but regret might. Instead of being embarrassed, Samanta is excited to be starting over: "This newsletter came exactly on the day when I sent the handover file to my ex-boss and joined a new team. I have been dealing with one topic for 13 years and I can confidently say I am one of the best experts in the EU on the matter. I thought I would retire covering this one topic. I made many friends in this line of work and I never thought I would leave. However, the new, ambitious boss could not stand the fact I know better and tried to make my life a living hell. So I thought of leaving, but the only option was to join a team of people who work on something completely new to me! How to jump from being the best expert to being a rookie? I am closer to retirement than to starting a career. But I did it. I sit in the meetings with no opinion, nothing to share, keep running for the colleagues to help me, asking dumb questions, sometimes the same one several times and you know what—it is exciting!!! Instead of feeling stupid and isolating myself, I learn with enthusiasm and what is even better—everyone is so helpful, including my boss—something I missed in the former team. Yes, I am happy to start something new and feeling laughed at is nothing compared to the excitement of a new experience." Our next reader embraced embarrassment to get to where they are: "When I was studying karate back in the 1990s, one night I stayed after the beginner class to watch the advanced class. A senior black belt was leading the class through a kata (practice form) while Sensei and I were off to the side. They all looked so graceful and powerful, especially the black belts, and I told Sensei, 'I don't think I'll ever be able to do kata as well as they do.' Sensei replied, 'Everyone is a white belt once.' That's given me inspiration to try new things since. I don't worry about being laughed at or looking stupid because I know that everyone else in the room, no matter what they look like now, was also a beginner at some point. It's even inspiring to watch someone who's talented at something and realize that they're only as good as they are because they overcame their own fears in order to pursue what they're doing. On the flip side: After I'd made black belt, I was venting to Sensei once about a newer student whom I was working with who just didn't seem to be getting it. He replied, 'Everyone is a white belt once,' and although he didn't say it, I heard from his tone of voice the addition 'including you.' That reminded me to stay humble and have patience with people who don't have my experience. The same line lands differently depending on where you are." Finally, sometimes the embarrassment we're dreading is simply a conversation we don't quite know how to begin, like for this community member, whom we'll call G: "Following on from yesterday, I actually spoke to the person I was unsure of how to proceed with. And I explained that my difficulty in speaking with them is a result of the fact I see so much of myself in their behavior and general manner. So I had felt that I needed to be guarded to avoid offending them/making things about me. They basically said that they don't easily get offended. (Neither do I. I'm more self-deprecating). Also that I can be open and honest regardless. Which feels like a sense of relief. Because it shows that they accept me as I am and will call me out as needed." This conversation was G's response to my prompt on Day #3 of the Friendship, Solved Course for our thousands-strong members to reflect on what's missing in their friendships and what they can do about it. G chose intimacy, took action, and as a result might have made a friend. If there's something in your life you know you should address but have been putting off, and if you think a structure of daily prompts and a supportive community might help, check out The Solved Membership—where we solve life's thorniest problems together. So far we've tackled Values, Procrastination, Emotions, Happiness, Shame, Resilience, and Friendships. And there's more to come. Learn more in one click here. As always, send your breakthroughs by simply replying to this email. Let me know if you'd prefer to remain anonymous. Until next week, Mark Manson #1 New York Times Bestselling Author
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