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The Large Person in the Airline Seat Next to Me

Southwest Has Changed Its Rules About "Customers of Size," Requiring They Pay for Two Seats

Joel Stein

Sep 8

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Unlike the trip I took the day of this photo, the following is the sad story of flying commercial.

You learn a lot about yourself during a 12-hour flight. I’ve learned that compared to most adults I urinate more often, sleep more easily, and am way less willing to let people see me watch a Minions movie.

My journey of self-discovery began the night before my flight, when I checked in for our Frankfurt to Los Angeles flight. My 16-year-old son, Laszlo and my lovely wife, Cassandra were seated together. I was put across the aisle.

Lufthansa offered me the empty seat next to them for $50. But I was sure that if someone did grab that seat, they’d be willing to trade their aisle seat for mine. Besides, I resented paying $50 for nothing but being near my family, something I had gotten for free 24 hours a day for the last 12 days.

“What if they won’t switch? And a really smelly guy sits next to you? Isn’t that worth $50?” Cassandra asked.

This, I told her, was a dark view of humanity. I had faith in the hygiene of both Americans and Germans.

Less than a minute after we take our seats on the plane, a woman did indeed take the supposedly empty seat next to Cassandra. I prepared a speech to ask her to switch with me. It was filled with words like “family,” “ride,” and “legacy.” I might have stolen this speech from one of The Fast and The Furious movies.

Then my seatmate approached...