FS | BRAIN FOOD
August 24, 2025 - #643 - read online - Free Version
Welcome to Brain Food, a weekly signal in a world full of noise.
Tiny Thoughts
*
Move like you're late and wait like you're early.
**
Your heroes are your blueprints.
Study what makes them exceptional, not to become them but to become who you're capable of being. The point isn't to be a second-rate version of your hero, it's to be a first-rate version of yourself with upgraded tools.
Learn their system. Keep your soul.
***
The math is simple: if you do what everyone does, you get what everyone gets. If you want different results, you have to diverge.
However, the second you do something different, you become a target. Some people criticize from fear, some from threatened egos, some from genuine concern disguised as caution. But criticism is the easy part.
The hard part is that you lose the map. If you've outsourced your definition of success your whole life, having to define it yourself feels like losing GPS mid-drive. You have to build your sense of direction while you're already moving.
Meanwhile, the conventional path parades its rewards right in front of you every day: the promotions, the vacations, the security. You can see exactly what you're giving up, while what you're building remains invisible.
Most people optimize for comfort. They choose being one blade of grass among many over being a tall poppy, the safety of the group over the risk of criticism for being different.
Outliers pick their own game, choose how to keep score, and then pay the price to play it.
Insights
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Legendary Coach Bill Belichick on being ready:
"Preparation is never wasted, regardless of outcome."
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Nobel Prize-winning writer Toni Morrison on taking responsibility and seeing clearly:
"[T]his is my work. I have to take full responsibility for doing it right as well as doing it wrong. Doing it wrong isn't bad, but doing it wrong and thinking you've done it right is."
***
Some deep wisdom from Henry Miller on character:
"One thing seems more and more evident to me now — people's basic character does not change over the years … Far from improving them, success usually accentuates their faults or short-comings. The brilliant guys at school often turn out to be not so brilliant once they are out in the world. If you disliked or despised certain lads in your class you will dislike them even more when they become financiers, statesmen or five star generals. Life forces us to learn a few lessons, but not necessarily to grow."
The Knowledge Project
This conversation will change how you handle your relationship starting tonight.
Dr. Sue Johnson, pioneer of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), reveals how childhood attachment patterns shape our adult relationships and explains why emotional responsiveness, not communication skills or conflict resolution, is the real foundation of lasting love.
Through decades of research and clinical work, she shows that relationships aren't random events we fall into and out of, but living systems we can understand and actively shape.
It doesn't matter if you're single, dating, married, divorced, or just a parent looking to raise securely attached kids. You need to hear this.
Key takeaways
- The best predictor of sexual satisfaction is emotional connection.
- Behind every criticism is a wish: when partners complain or become passive-aggressive, they're asking, "Where are you? Do I matter to you?"
- Securely attached people have a "visceral map" of what good relationships feel like because they experienced safe connection in childhood, giving them a template for healthy adult bonds.
- When you shut down emotionally to protect yourself, you trigger danger cues in your partner's nervous system because humans are wired as "bonding mammals" who need connection like oxygen.
- Affairs rarely happen because of sexual frustration: they occur when people feel emotionally disconnected, alone, and rejected by their partner.
- The warning sign that a relationship is dying isn't fighting, but when you stop getting annoyed with your partner and feel nothing. Detachment is the true relationship killer.
- Relationships are living organisms that need attention and feeding; if you starve them while focusing only on kids or work, they shrivel and die.
- Every relationship follows predictable patterns: one person demands connection while the other withdraws, creating a self-reinforcing negative cycle.
- Emotional responsiveness means tuning into your partner's emotions, feeling what they feel, and responding in a way that shows they matter. This can be learned even without perfect childhood models.
- Retirement and empty nest transitions reveal the cracks in relationships where couples have avoided each other for years by focusing on tasks rather than connection.
- The best thing parents can give their children isn't putting them first but modeling a secure relationship where partners support each other.
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Thanks for reading,
— Shane Parrish
P.S. I could watch this for a long time.
P.P.S. Thanks for the overwhelming response last week. Sometimes I forget I'm talking to nearly a million people! (Don't worry, my mom reminds me that's not even the population of the city I live in. Moms.) Appreciate you all reading.
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