The 2 Pillars of Strong Relationships read and listen on sahilbloom.com read time 5 minutes Welcome to The Curiosity Chronicle, a weekly newsletter where I provide actionable ideas to help you build a high-performing, healthy, wealthy life.
Today at a Glance: - This one photo says everything you need to know about strong relationships. It is a photo of my father, taking notes during one of my talks at an event in India.
- The 2 pillars of strong relationships: High expectations and high support.
- High expectations are the belief that the other person is capable of excellence, that their potential is only limited by their own views. High support is the ability and willingness to provide the love, support, and engagement to help the person meet those high expectations. Both are necessary to achieve a strong relationship.
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The 2 Pillars of Strong Relationships This one photo says everything you need to know about strong relationships. Allow me to explain: This photo, which was captured organically by one of my business partners, is a portrait of my father, taking notes during one of my talks at an event in India. He is 68 years old and a tenured professor at Harvard University. He has accomplished a tremendous amount in his career—but I am certain he is most proud of who he is as a father, husband, and friend. Throughout my entire life, he has shown up for me: From cheering at my baseball games, to surprising me at the finish line of my first marathon, and now to sitting and listening diligently as I deliver talks. He is there as a supporter—my biggest fan—and a trusted partner, someone who I can count on to shoot me straight with thoughtful critiques and feedback. Reflecting on this photo later, I came to understand that it holds a deep and powerful truth about the two pillars of strong relationships.
Expectations & Support My father always had high standards for me. He believed that excellence should be the expectation—that it was achievable through diligence, attitude, and effort. I recall having the opportunity to travel with him on a business trip to Southeast Asia when I was about eight. He was to be the keynote speaker at a conference in the region, and with my mother staying home with my sister, I was the lucky +1 for the trip. As I enjoyed movies and food on the long flight overseas, he worked. In fact, I specifically recall him working for the entire 12+ hour journey. When I asked, somewhat incredulously, why he hadn't watched a single movie, he had a simple response: "This is what is necessary to perform up to my expectations for myself." Those expectations were high, but he knew that he could meet them. When it came to our relationship, he had those same high expectations for me, but importantly, they were always paired with a second necessary ingredient: support. The two pillars of strong relationships: - High Expectations: The belief that the other person is capable of excellence, that their potential is only limited by their own views. The willingness to share the truth on those high expectations and the gap vs. the current level of delivery.
- High Support: The ability and willingness to provide the love, support, and engagement to help the person meet those high expectations.
High Expectations without High Support is a recipe for disaster. We have all faced a relationship like this, where the person seems to want more from us but does not seem willing to share in the burden of reaching that more. High Support without High Expectations is a recipe for mediocrity. It allows self-limiting beliefs to perpetuate, it says that you're fine where you are today, that growth is unnecessary. It is the pairing of the two—High Expectations and High Support—where strong relationships are found. Legendary American football coach Nick Saban once shared the idea of the Capability Gap: "The Capability Gap is what you're capable of relative to what you're doing...if you understand the truth about that, you can actually take information that can help you close that gap." A strong relationship is built upon the foundation of high expectations (pushing your belief in what you're capable of) and high support (supporting you with the information to close the gap to those high expectations). Sir Isaac Newton once said, "If I have seen further than others, it is by standing upon the shoulders of giants." My father always encouraged me to think bigger, and then offered up his shoulders so that I could see and reach those bigger things. This, to me, is the highest calling in our relationships: To create an environment of high expectations—of boundless potential—with those we love AND lend them our shoulders to stand and reach those expectations we have set.
The Full Circle Moment At the end of one of my on stage talks, my father was asked by the moderator how he feels seeing his son on stage: "I'm proud that he is becoming the man he wants to be." That line hit me hard. Not "the man I want him to be" but "the man that HE wants to be"—a subtle but beautiful difference. It comes full circle, because he is the father I want to be—and the man I want to be. Here's to all the people out there who are lifting up their parents, partners, children, and friends with high expectations and high support, with love, encouragement, honesty, and unrelenting positivity. I salute you—and I admire you. And to my Dad—I love you!
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