| | Was this newsletter forwarded to you? Subscribe here | | I hate the "incel" moniker. Throughout 99% of history, 99% of men have been incels for long periods. I was celibate until I was 19 — not by choice. I wanted a girlfriend in high school, but was largely sidelined from the dating game by afflictions common among teen boys: I was painfully skinny and insecure, with bad skin. So I got to work. I enrolled at UCLA, hit the gym, focused on ways to demonstrate excellence (for me it was humor), built friendships with women, and surrounded myself with the impressive men of ZBT. I worked hard and developed the callouses that nearly every successful person has: I learned how to mourn and move on, to endure rejection. | By the middle of sophomore year, I had my first girlfriend. There were a lot of "firsts" in the relationship, but two stand out: Melanie was the first woman I was "me" around, instead of trying to be someone I thought she'd like. And we loved each other. Having an impressive person who could date other men choose and love you is profound. | Struggling to find a romantic partner is normal. Today, however, a dangerous ideology is infecting many young men, who see their incel status as inevitable, and even embrace it, blaming women instead of trying to better themselves. Many aren't incels, but vcels — voluntary celibates who choose resentment over self-improvement. | Real Problems | The challenges young men face are real. In school, boys fall behind their female peers and are much less likely to become valedictorians and go to college, with the education system biased against them and girls mature faster. American tax policy increasingly transfers money from the young to the old. We've adopted a scarcity mindset that only benefits incumbents — and the rising costs for housing and education that result take an especially heavy toll on young men, who are disproportionately evaluated on their economic prospects. Big Tech profits through sequestration and enragement, while digitizing dating has resulted in a winner-take-most environment. | | Rather than addressing the problem, leaders on both ends of the political spectrum have inflamed the crisis. The left ignored young men in the lead-up to the last presidential election, espousing the belief that they didn't have a problem, they were the problem. The far right filled the void with misogynistic, racist, and otherwise hateful messages, arguing that the answer was to send women and non-white people back to the 50s. But here's the bottom line: Nobody is entitled to reproduce, nor obligated to serve another group. Women are ascending; it's a collective achievement. Men need to level up. | How to Level Up: The Rule of Threes | Government programs and societal shifts will help, but young men should, and will, shoulder most of the responsibility — one that most are addressing but too many abdicate as they slide deeper into the darkness of frictionless online relationships. | | These young men fail to recognize the agency they have to transform their lives, instead donning an incel badge to justify their sense of victimhood. My message to young men: Being an incel isn't a burden you're destined to bear. If you've surrendered, sitting at home all day watching porn, bingeing Netflix, and playing Diablo, that's on you. | | We need to model a healthier vision. My advice: Exercise three times a week, work at least 30 hours a week out of the house, and push yourself into the company of strangers at least three times a month, even if you're an introvert. This strategy will make you more attractive and increase your odds of finding a partner. Following this rule of threes will put you into the 95th percentile of young men. If you can stay there long enough, you'll likely have the opportunity to be voluntarily incelibate … which is awesome. | It's easier to get a job than it has been for most of the last 100 years. Youth unemployment is hovering around 10%, historically low. When I was young, unsure if I could pay tuition, I took any job. If you're reading this and living with your parents, you should, too. I'm going to Davos next week on my own plane, but I got there by waiting tables, carrying groceries, and hauling golf bags 5 miles in the humid Ohio summer. | On both the economic and social fronts, there are ways to overcome your obstacles and become a better man: Get an apprenticeship. Join a team. Go to a church, synagogue, or mosque. Develop a kindness practice. Learn how to approach people. This is harder in an age when many people are addicted to YouTube and TikTok and third spaces are disappearing, but increasing your risk appetite for the real world is essential. | Red Pill | Adolescence, the gut-wrenching Netflix miniseries that won four Golden Globes earlier this week, stoked the debate about "incel" culture, shining a light on the threats posed by social media influencers known for their misogynistic views. The drama, which follows a 13-year-old boy accused of murdering a female classmate, tackled symbols such as the "red pill," a metaphor taken from the 1999 movie The Matrix. Keanu Reeves's character, Neo, must choose between a blue pill, which will keep him in a state of blissful ignorance, or a red pill, which will awaken him to a painful but enlightening reality. In the manosphere, people who make the latter decision have accepted the supposed "truths" about gender roles, including the idea that the world is unfairly stacked against unattractive and awkward heterosexual men. Here's the truth pill, re sex: Throughout history, 40% of men and 80% of women have reproduced. In the U.S. today, an estimated 75% and 85% of men and women will reproduce, respectively. American men today are twice as likely to procreate as their ancestors. | Another incel conviction — fed by dating apps that separate potential partners into a small group of haves and a massive cohort of have-nots — is that most men will never find romantic satisfaction, because 80% of women are attracted to 20% of men. The bottom 80% of male Tinder users, based on percentage of likes received, are competing for the bottom 22% of women. This leads me to the same conclusion: Young men need real-world venues where they can demonstrate excellence to women, who are more discerning than they are. | | The incel movement was in motion long before Adolescence. The term emerged in the late 1990s on a website dubbed Alana's Involuntary Celibacy Project, created by a university student who wanted to provide an inclusive hub for people of all genders and orientations who had trouble dating. Instead, the term was hijacked as a "weapon of war," and the community morphed into a nihilistic, misogynistic subculture. | Our society is producing far too many self-described incels who think it's acceptable, even aspirational, to give up on relationships, and who become susceptible to biases against women and immigrants. Most will not harm others — their loathing is usually reserved for themselves. About two-thirds of incels say they've considered suicide. Instead of retreating amid increased scrutiny, social media accounts are widening their audience and rebranding to bypass bans. Adding fuel to the flame, the algorithms boost many female influencers whose misandry cosplays as social commentary. | Off-Ramp | Many young men are genuinely trying to forge connections but stumbling over economic and social hurdles — struggles that Democrats are finally starting to take seriously after watching this demographic help Donald Trump retake the White House. | With young men continuing to feel frustation and malaise more than a year into the president's second term, the Democrats have a chance to win them back. Empathy isn't zero-sum. The party, and society more broadly, can build on the gains women have registered over the past three decades, while also supporting boys and men. | Young men themselves are part of the solution. Women aren't to blame for their relationship woes, just as immigrants aren't responsible for America's economic problems. Men need to seize the opportunity to become better, and we need to provide an off-ramp for red-pilled men who believe the mating market is rigged against them, helping to prevent their descent into bitterness and potential extremism. | Many young men struggle with mental health — understandable given the challenges they face. But here's a truth the manosphere won't tell you: In the end, meaningful relationships are the only things that matter. If you're alone and resigned to being nutrition for Big Tech, you need to reset and commit to becoming voluntarily incelibate. If you sequester from other mammals, the anxiety and depression you'll ultimately feel will dwarf any terror about disappointment that exists in the outside world — isolation is the only danger that compounds. | Life is so rich, | | | P.S. This week, my Prof G Markets co-host Ed Elson wrote about the debate over California's billionaire wealth tax … and proposed an alternative. Next week, he'll unpack Jerome Powell's win against Trump and what it means for our country. Subscribe to his weekly newsletter Simply Put here. | ____________sponsored content ____________ |
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