Welcome to One Thing Better. Each week, the editor in chief of Entrepreneur magazine (that's me) shares one way to achieve a breakthrough at work — and build a career or company you love.
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I grew up saying no. Maybe you relate.
I defined myself by what I wouldn't do, and who I wouldn't hang out with. Those kids? Screw them. That music? Hate it. That party? Never.
Then, in college, I read an essay that changed my perspective. Dare I say, it changed my life.
Today, I want to share that lesson with you. And I want to challenge you to think deeply about…
- What you say no to
- What you say yes to
- And whether you have the balance right
Because it's so easy to say no — to new ideas, projects, people, and experiences. No is safe and comfortable.
But in the right moments, yes is what makes all the difference.
The moment that changed everything
In the 1990s and early 2000s, culture was defined by a big question: Are you a sell-out?
In other words: Have you abandoned your authenticity to make money? Punk bands, street artists, indie filmmakers — when they started making real money, their fans scorned them as sell-outs.
I was an angsty teenager who believed in this. When a cool band signed a big record deal, I felt like they were abandoning me — that they said "yes" to things that we'd agreed to say "no" to.
I know it sounds crazy. But trust me, this made sense back then.
Then Dave Eggers came along. He was an obscure indie writer who became famous in 2000, thanks to his excellent memoir A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius. People accused him of selling out too.
Then he wrote a defiant response. I read it as a teenager, and it shook me to my core.
Here's just a little bit of it:
"The thing is, I really like saying yes. I like new things, projects, plans, getting people together and doing something, trying something, even when it's corny or stupid. I am not good at saying no. And I do not get along with people who say no. When you die, and it really could be this afternoon, you will not be happy about having said no. You will be kicking your ass about all the no's you've said. No to that opportunity, or no to that trip to Nova Scotia or no to that night out, or no to that project or no to that person who wants to be naked with you but you worry about what your friends will say.
No is for wimps. No is for pussies. No is to live small and embittered, cherishing the opportunities you missed because they might have sent the wrong message."
Later, he wrote: "What matters is that you do good work. What matters is that you produce things that are true and will stand."
I read that and I thought: My life will not be defined by the things I say no to. It'll be defined but what I try.
We don't celebrate yes enough
We often measure ourselves by our accomplishments. Did we achieve the thing? Did we reach the goal?
But these things aren't fully controllable. Achievements are hard and slow. Goals may never be reached. These measurements slow our sense of personal growth.
So here's an idea: What if saying yes is treated as an accomplishment by itself?
We don't give ourselves enough credit for effort, and I think that's a shame. In fact, culturally, we even demonize celebrating effort. Think of all the people who trash participation trophies because they think it teaches kids that winning doesn't matter. That's nuts.
I have two young boys, ages 10 and 6, and they frequently refuse to try new activities because they're convinced they won't like them. I'd love to see them try anyway. Effort will open their worlds. Effort is worth rewarding.
This extends to adults too. How many times have you said no, because you were sure you wouldn't like something? What would have happened if you said yes instead? My guess: Some things would have sucked, and others would be revelatory.
Isn't massive good worth a little bad?
Try this exercise right now
Make a list of 5 new things you said yes to this year. Stuff that required effort. Stuff you were unsure of.
No matter how these things turned out, please think of them all as accomplishments.
I'll be honest — as I think about this myself, I have fewer examples than I'd like. Yes, I've tried some new things this year. Said yes to activities I was unsure of. Took on some new projects.
But now I'm thinking: Could there have been more? Am I still playing it too safe?
My list now feels like a motivator. It also feels like a reminder — to keep adding more to the list. Because adding more will feel good.
Look at what we've done here: When we celebrate saying yes, we incentivize saying yes. We create a positive feedback loop for ourselves.
Not everything is a yes, and that's OK
Let me be clear: Don't say yes to everything. That's unrealistic. You should say no to many things, just like I do every day. If I said yes to every request I got, I'd never have time for the things I truly want to say "yes" to.
That's the critical distinction: Saying no creates the opportunity to say yes. The word "no" buys you time. But it's up to you to spend that time wisely.
Toward the end of Eggers's essay, he writes: "I say yes because I am curious. I want to see things."
I think about this so often. One day, if I am lucky, I will be 90 years old, and it will be harder to see things. I'll be weaker. More tired. I'll need to say no a lot more.
That means the time is now — right this very second! — to see things. To say yes.
Just like the time, at age 22, when Dave Eggers was speaking at a venue three hours from me — and I said nah, that's too far. And then I said yes. And I drove, and I saw him speak, and I waited on a long line to meet him, and I took this very awkward photo, and thanked him for the change he provoked in me.
There we are. I'll remember that forever. You only make memories by saying yes.
That's how to do one thing better.
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Final notes for today...
P.S. I messed up last week. I shared a link to Stanley, an awesome AI tool that improves your LinkedIn posts, and I used a broken link. D'oh! Here's the right link.
P.P.S. Be kind, and send this newsletter to someone who needs it! Forward to them, or just send the link to today's edition — you can find it on my page here.
P.P.P.S. Miss last week's newsletter? It was about how to get people's attention — guaranteed. Read.
That's all for this week! See you next Tuesday.
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