Welcome to One Thing Better. Each week, the editor in chief of Entrepreneur magazine (that's me) shares one way to achieve a breakthrough at work — and build a career or company you love.
Today's edition is sponsored by Kick, which is how I track my finances (for real!). See details at the end of the newsletter.
You're working on something. You'd like feedback.
But let's be honest: Feedback can be hard to hear. And it can make you defensive.
So now you're wondering things like: Who should I ask? And when? And what if I don't like what they say?
A reader named Kelly Dwyer is facing this right now. She read last week's newsletter, about how we think better when in dialog with others, and wrote me this:
I am a novelist working on my fourth novel. My husband and (young adult) daughter are both great readers and editors, and I like to tell them plot and character ideas and get their feedback. However, sometimes it feels too early in the process emotionally; I might have an idea that they don't like, but I think they don't get it because I haven't figured it out clearly or haven't articulated it well. When is it too early to share ideas and brainstorm — or is it?
I love this question — and it goes far beyond writing. Kelly's question could easily be about business ideas, marketing plans, or ideas big and small.
In my experience, the best feedback comes from completing this formula:
Right people + right time + right perspective
Today, I'll break it down for you.
Step 1: The right people
Beware — the "right people" are NOT always who you think they are.
John Steinbeck once wrote: "You know how advice is. You only want it if it agrees with what you wanted to do anyway."
That reminds me of something I learned as a philosophy minor in college — though, sadly, I can't remember which philosopher said it:
Nobody truly seeks advice. They just seek confirmation.
In other words, when we ask someone for advice, we've subconsciously selected them because we know what they'll say.
This isn't necessarily a problem: Sometimes you know the right answer, and just need your instinct validated. But sometimes — especially when seeking feedback! — you might turn to someone comforting, instead of someone challenging, and not gain what you really need to succeed.
I remember running into this problem in my early 20s, as a novice writer. I started showing my work to my then-girlfriend, who was supportive and loved everything I did. That felt good, but it didn't help me grow — so I eventually sought out more critical eyes.
When you seek feedback on an idea, be aware of this — and pick someone who will useful, not just affirming.
Step 2: The right time
Kelly's question was really about timing. She's working on a novel, and trying to find the goldilocks of feedback timing…
If she asks too early: Her ideas aren't fully formed, she feels vulnerable about them, and she worries that they won't be fully understood.
If she asks too late: She might be too invested in an idea, and won't be as flexible or able to respond to deeper feedback.
So she wants to know: When is the timing just right? And here's my answer: Kelly, you're asking the wrong question!
Instead, you first need to decide the role you want your readers to play.
When you ask someone for feedback, you're really asking them to play one of three roles:
- Early stage: The collaborator — they actively help shape new ideas.
- Middle stage: The reactor — they say if your ideas are working.
- Late stage: The refiner — they tweak around the edges.
It's your job to pick the right person for each role, and then to set their expectations.
For example, when I was writing my book, my editor was my collaborator. I dumped the first four chapters on him and basically said: "Is this working?" Then when it was nearly done, I asked three friends to be refiners — just telling me if anything felt missing or incorrect.
Step 3: The right perspective
In 2009, my (now) wife Jen did an absolutely crazy thing.
We'd just started dating back then. She was working on her first novel at the time, and she asked me to edit an early draft. She wanted a deep read, with real feedback. I was to be her reactor.
Like I said: This was crazy. So many ways it could have gone wrong.
I knew how to edit; I was a young editor at Men's Health at the time. But I'd never edited a novel before — and more importantly, I'd never edited Jen before! I was scared of getting it wrong and blowing up the relationship.
Then I had a revelation:
At Men's Health, my job was to serve the Men's Health vision. I knew the magazine's voice, tone, and perspective — so I'd heavily rewrite stories to fit those needs.
But with Jen, my job was to serve her vision. So whenever I saw something in her novel that didn't work, I'd just circle the text and basically ask: "What do you want to accomplish here, and how can we help get it there?"
Then we'd talk it through. Maybe she needed a character to change in some way, but a particular scene or plot point wasn't accomplishing it. We'd unpack why, then come to a conclusion.
This turned out to be the exact right approach. Her novel was published, and our relationship survived. It's now the approach I take with writers and founders alike. I want to first understand their intended destination — and then help them pave the right path.
The point is: When you seek feedback, find someone who can see things from your point of view. Their job isn't to impose their vision; it's to understand your vision, and then help you accomplish it.
But in all this, you must remember...
Success really comes down to you
It's the great irony of asking for feedback:
You're asking for someone else's help, but they're only helpful if YOU are helpful first.
Let's break it down...
The right people: It's your job to pick them (and if you pick wrong, it's not their fault!).
The right time: It's your job to establish their role (as either a collaborator, reactor, or refiner) — and to be really explicit about it. Tell them: "This is the stage of the process I'm in, and this is very specifically what I need you to do."
The right perspective: If you want someone to see your vision, you must articulate it. Say: "Here's why I'm going for. So if you see places where my work doesn't accomplish those things, please flag it." Talk with them. Ask questions. Create a dialog.
People really appreciate this kind of expectation-setting — because giving feedback is fraught! Everyone wants to be helpful, but everyone also worries about tripping over emotional lines.
So when you tell them exactly what you need, they'll feel more relaxed and happy to help. Then you'll get what you need, and you'll be more relaxed and happier too.
That's how to do one thing better.
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That's all for this week! See you next Tuesday.
P.S. Miss last week's newsletter? It's about the best way to clarify your thoughts.
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