Few thinkers in history have offered as much clear, practical guidance for everyday life as Epictetus. His teachings, on mastery, self-control, and meeting hardship with strength, shaped not only Stoicism itself, but the lives of countless people from Marcus Aurelius to modern leaders today.
Now, let's dive into 4 essential rules Epictetus lived by—and how you can apply them today:
Only focus on what's in your control
"The chief task in life is simply this: to identify and separate matters so that I can say clearly to myself which are externals not under my control, and which have to do with the choices I actually control..."
This is the single most important practice in Stoic philosophy: differentiating between what we can change and what we can't. What we have influence over and what we do not. Or in Epictetus' language, what is up to us and what is not up to us (ta eph'hemin, ta ouk eph'hemin). Once we have organized our understanding of the world into this stark categorization, what remains—what was so central to Epictetus's survival as a slave—is to focus on what is up to us. Our attitudes. Our emotions. Our wants. Our desires. Our opinions about what has happened to us. Epictetus believed that as powerless as humans were over their external conditions, they always retained the ability to choose how they responded.
Put every thought to the test
"Don't let the force of the impression carry you away. Say to it, 'hold up a bit and let me see who you are and where you are from—let me put you to the test' . . ."
Stuff happens and we make snap judgments. This subjectivity can be very misleading, it can warp reality itself. Which is why we have to slow down, submit every impression to the test, confirm that everything we think and feel is true. Because, as Marcus said, all of life is opinion. Of course, he would have learned this from Epictetus, who taught his students to never respond impulsively, to always take a moment before choosing how to respond.
Always grab things by the right handle
"Every event has two handles—one by which it can be carried, and one by which it can't. If your brother does you wrong, don't grab it by his wronging...Instead, use the other—that he is your brother...hold of the handle that carries."
In every situation, there is a weak handle and strong. No matter our condition, no matter how undesirable the situation, we retain the ability to choose which one we will grab. Are we going to choose to see that our brother is a selfish jerk? Or are we going to remember that we share the same mother, that he's not this way on purpose, that we love him, that we have our own bad impulses too? This decision—which handle we grab, day in and day out, with anyone and everyone we deal with—determines what kind of life we live.
Choose not to be complicit in taking offense
"If someone succeeds in provoking you, realize that your mind is complicit in the provocation."
No one can make you upset. What other people say or do is on them. Whatever your reaction is to their remark or action, that's on you. No one can make you angry, only you have that power. Someone can certainly say something offensive or stupid or mean, but no one can make you upset—that's a choice. This is always worth remembering. You shouldn't give away your power over yourself. You shouldn't let others bait you. You shouldn't allow yourself to be provoked. But most of all, you can't blame them if that happens. Because you control you, nobody else.
P.S. In celebration of Epictetus Month, Ryan Holiday will be hosting a live Q&A on July 26 to talk all things Epictetus and Discourses.
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