They pushed themselves on purpose. Cato dressed outside the conventions of his day. Zeno's philosophy teacher once spilled soup on Zeno in front of a large group of people. Seneca practiced poverty. Marcus Aurelius mentally rehearsed being criticized and misunderstood.
Why did they put themselves in these uncomfortable positions? To get comfortable with them. To get comfortable with themselves.
She was comfortable saying no to an invitation, a photograph, a profile, an interview, a lecture if she didn't feel like doing it, which she mostly didn't. As the writer Zoë Heller put it, "That I think is a fantastic lesson for all women, you know, a polite, firm no thank you." As the writer Alice Gregory told me, "She is unwilling to temper the truth with all the kind of frilly girlie things we do in conversation to soften things or get people used to certain ideas."
Look, there is no way around discomfort. If your life revolves around fitting in, if you are afraid to disagree with people or speak up, you're going to have a tough time. You're also going to let opportunities and goals pass you by. Each of us needs to cultivate a sense of comfort with ourselves, with saying no, with being straightforward and uncompromising in what we think is important. And the only way to get comfortable with discomfort is to practice it—again and again—until it no longer feels like discomfort at all.
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