Hey there,
Welcome to Day 02 of the Emotions Mini-Course.
By now, you should know what emotions are and how you tend to deal with them (suppress, vent, or avoid).
But what you may not know is why you manage your emotions the way you do: because you're in a cult.
TODAY'S MINI-LESSON: The Cult of Emotion
Here's a harsh truth: Your emotions don't just affect you—they affect everyone around you.
Have you ever found yourself reacting in ways that confuse you, or don't seem authentic to what you're actually feeling? Like when you pretend to be happy for someone when you really are jealous. Or when you laugh at a joke when you are actually disgusted by it.
Maybe you feel you can't laugh, cry, or get angry in certain situations. Well, that's because you were trained not to. Some of that training comes from your family, and starts as early as infancy. Some of it comes from the culture you live in. Like I said: You're in a cult. But really, we all are.
These are called emotion modulation strategies, and most people don't even realize they are using them every day. But you are. And it usually starts early—because your environment teaches you how you're "supposed" to express emotions. Your brain picks up on the rules and adapts to stay safe, accepted, and unnoticed.
Why? Because expressing emotion "correctly" (whatever that means in your culture) is social currency. It helps you fit in, get hired, fall in love, build trust. And whether you're aware of it or not, you judge others the same way, based on how well their emotional expressions match what you expect to see. When they don't? You feel it. Something's off.
But here's the truth: emotions aren't one-size-fits-all. What looks like "too much" or "not enough" emotion to you might be someone else's perfectly acceptable baseline. That's not a glitch—that's culture and biology doing their thing.
Biology gives you the wiring. Culture teaches you what to do with it. And if you want to get better at regulating your emotions—and not just reacting to everyone else's—you've got to understand how both are shaping you.
TODAY'S ACTION PROMPT: What Did You Learn as a Child?
Yesterday you identified how you tend to most frequently cope with emotions.
Today, you learned that how you express your emotions is largely due to what you learned was culturally "correct." So now, let's dive deeper into where some of these responses come from. Yes, we're hopping in a time machine, all the way to your childhood.
First, I want you to choose an emotion. Sadness, happiness, fear, whatever emotion comes to mind first.
Then ask yourself how that emotion was treated in your home growing up? Was it welcomed? Ignored? Mocked?
Now I want you to ask yourself if that is still how you treat that emotion, or if you respond to it a different way as an adult. And if you don't like how you currently treat that emotion, set an intention for how you want to start treating it.
Here's an example to help you understand. It's as simple as you think it is.
Emotion in Focus: Anger
How that emotion was treated: Anger was seen as dangerous or disrespectful
Current Pattern: I avoid conflict completely—even when something needs to be said
New Intention: I want to express frustration calmly without guilt
WANT TO TAKE THIS LESSON DEEPER?
Of course, you can listen to the Emotions episode of Solved or read the Solved Guide to learn more on the subject of emotional regulation, the psychological theories behind your emotions, and more.
But if you want more tools, tactics, and simple tasks to help you navigate, regulate, and communicate your emotions, my membership community Momentum might be the best next step.
For only $24.99 per month ($50 off if you join for the whole year), Momentum provides a like-minded community environment and daily action steps to support your growth in a sustainable, smart way.
Every month, we break down the Solved podcast topics into 20-30 days of action steps—so you can experiment with more tools, learn a little bit each day, and all in a supportive community.
You can learn more here if you're interested in joining us.
Tomorrow, I'll share more on how emotions impact your relationships and if emotional regulation is really all it's cracked up to be.
See you then,
Mark
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