Yesterday, you got clear on how emotions impact your life.
Today, we're going to start with the basics and explore what emotions are and how you think you handle them.
TODAY'S MINI-LESSON: What Are Emotions?
No, this isn't a trick question. Yet there's no single definition of emotions that scientists and philosophers agree on.
So for this mini-course, let's use my preferred definition.
Emotions are complex psychological states that involve a combination of subjective experiences, physiological responses, and behavioral responses. They serve as rapid responses to significant internal or external events, guiding behavior, decision-making, and social interactions. That's a lot of big words to basically explain that they are signals from your brain and body about what is happening in (and between) your inner and outer world.
Emotions are not the same as your feelings (which are internal, subjective experiences of emotions), your mood (a prolonged emotional state), or your affect (the general sense of your emotional tone at any given moment).
Emotions are meaningful signals—sometimes helpful, sometimes not—that shape how we make sense of the world and relate to everyone in it.
But how does your brain interpret emotions into full-blown feelings?
Well, think of it like an orchestra. Different brain regions play different instruments—some spot threats, others dig up memories, some amplify or dampen your reactions. Together, they create the emotional symphony you feel.
Two main "networks" do most of the heavy lifting:
The Salience Network spots what's emotionally important. Like when you read a text from someone you're dating that says, "We need to talk" and your heart rate spikes. Your brain just tagged that message as emotionally important, even before you consciously react.
The Default Mode Network kicks in during self-reflection, stitching together memories, thoughts, and predictions. Like when you're zoning out on a long drive and suddenly start planning your future, imagining what your life could look like five years from now. That's your DMN generating narratives and possibilities.
Then there are your chemical messengers—neurotransmitters like dopamine, serotonin, norepinephrine, and GABA—that shape how intense your feelings get.
You don't need a PhD in neuroscience. But if you want to get better at managing emotions, it helps to know the system you're working with.
Here's the important part: most people only learn three ways to deal with feelings:
Suppression: Bottling everything up. Which works... until it doesn't. Eventually, you explode, or it eats you from the inside out.
Venting: Dumping all your feelings on someone else like an emotional puke-fest. Feels good for five minutes, ruins relationships for years.
Avoidance: Scrolling, drinking, binge-watching, overworking—anything to not feel what you're feeling. But the feelings don't leave. They just wait until you're tired or vulnerable, then ambush you.
While there is nothing wrong with these methods in the short term, relying on them in the long term can and will destroy your emotional balance. So what can we do about this?
First, you want to identify your default modes and learn to name what's really going on.
TODAY'S ACTION PROMPT: What's your default way of dealing with feelings?
Which method do you turn to when you face emotions that you don't like:
Suppression, Venting, or Avoidance?
You probably use all three from time to time, but think about which one you go to first.
Do you put every uncomfortable emotion in a little box and lock it away until you're ready to deal with it—or until the box has grown so large it explodes and you have to?
Or maybe you are the person who word-vomits on strangers because you just can't keep anything locked inside?
Or maybe you are the king of Candy Crush because you'd rather play a mindless game than actually face what you are feeling.
Again, there is nothing inherently wrong with any of these options. They are likely how you learned to handle your emotions. But now you're ready to do things differently, and that starts with understanding how you handle emotions now.
BONUS: Can you identify what emotion you were experiencing the last time you suppressed, vented, or avoided?
This isn't a trick question and there's no wrong answer. It's also okay if you don't have one. That lets you know how comfortable you are identifying your emotions in the first place. Here's a cheat sheet that can help.
Adapted from "The Feel Wheel," by G. Roberts, March 2015
No comments:
Post a Comment