In our previous issue, we asked whether resilience influencers were spreading false hope. We figured it's only fair to hear the other side.
Not everybody and everything will respond the way you want. New York Times bestselling author Harlan Cohen, whose latest book is Win or Learn: The Naked Truth About Turning Every Rejection into Your Ultimate Success, calls this "the universal rejection truth." (The problem, he says, is that despite the inevitability of setbacks, "the brain processes rejection the same way we process physical pain.")
With 630,000 TikTok followers who turn to Cohen for advice and motivation, he shouldn't feel too rejected lately. Cohen spoke with b. about resilience in business … and how to go about squeezing when life gives you lemons.
b.: What does learning from rejection look like at different stages of a career?
Cohen: Early on, we need to believe in ourselves and get over self-rejection. Overcoming the fear of "no" … is the first step. As we progress, understanding the circumstances behind rejection becomes pivotal. "Is it me? Is it something else? … Can the outcome change?" … Being grateful for all feedback — good or bad — is essential.
As we become more comfortable processing rejection, we become acute listeners. Information is gold. Rejection is another form of data. And this data helps us know the most valuable ways to spend our time and energy.
Who are entrepreneurs you admire for that approach?
Cohen: Dominique Raccah, the CEO and founder of Sourcebooks. She has built one of the largest independent publishing companies in the world. She is constantly experimenting and iterating. Not all books are bestsellers. She's not afraid of rejection.
Gary Vaynerchuk … has been fearless in putting content out into the universe. He is constantly listening, learning, and creating. Tim Ferriss embraces his imperfections and shortcomings while learning and growing. … My father … overcame a series of obstacles while building a thriving business over the past 30 years.
How can you know when you have a good idea whose time is yet to come versus when it's just not working IRL like it does on paper?
Cohen: When you lose the joy, it's time to pivot. When you can't change the outcome, it's time to pivot. When the trusted people in your inner circle agree it's not going to work, it's time to pivot. When the sacrifice is greater than the reward, it's time to pivot.
b.: What's your key advice for embracing ups and downs?
You need to learn how you can serve and provide value … and being OK with whatever the outcome is. … It's so fun to see people get where they want to go.
Win or Learn is available now.
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